12/09/2018
Updated: Dec 12, 2018 3:25 AM

Autopilot is broken 🚢

An article about what the inner autopilot is and how best to keep an eye on it.

In my understanding, inner autopilot is a set of prepared and programmed reactions, for which you practically do not require participation. This is the state when you perform actions without thinking. You are as if on a ship that sails wherever you need. After some time the cruise will end and you will find yourself where you wanted to be. But, what if upon arrival at the place, you will see that you did not get there? What if every time you use the services of this mechanism, you will find out that the result is not at all what you expected? In this case, it is worth asking the question: does everything work correctly? And the answer will be: no.

As it turned out, this mechanism tends to break. He, like everything else in the universe, tends to a state of chaos, and if not serve, then after a while it turns into such a “Pandora’s box”, which is simply dangerous to open. There is no guarantee what will happen, and after several unsuccessful attempts, you will stop doing it altogether, because it's scary 😅

What is this mechanism and how to maintain it? In a nutshell, this is our inner child. Strange of course, but it is to him we trust ourselves when there is no need to think about something or decide something. When you just have to be yourself. Just recently we were this kid: carelessly running along the street, knowing the world and living for today! The fact that he has now turned into a nasty whim is our merit. And the fact that now it can not be relied on - our fault.

But, how to serve your inner whim?

Dialogue. You can not lose dialogue with him. You need to listen to him, and try to understand his needs. To do this, you can try to remember how the parents found a common language with you as a child, and act as well. Look for a compromise and try to negotiate.

Fears. It is necessary to deal with his fears. Almost all fears come from childhood. At this age, any person is very susceptible and various events, even minor ones, can cause future phobias. To overcome fear, it is usually enough to look him straight in the eye. Afraid of heights - jump with a parachute. Snakes - go to the exhibition. Darkness, water, cramped rooms... well, try to recreate the conditions of the past negative experiences and get a new positive one in them.

Upbringing. If you are lucky, and you have been taught good qualities in childhood, then you hardly have problems with the autopilot, and I envy you 😉 Otherwise, you will need to re-educate your inner slobs. Education is a complex thing. Here you need to be able to do a lot: show patience, understand needs, create conditions for development, support in a difficult moment, be generous. In general, without pedagogical education it is impossible 🤓 Joke, of course! In fact, the main thing: to treat the process and the student with love. This is the most effective way.

Hurts. When we were small, we loved to be offended. There are small hurts, there are big. When we grow up, some of them begin to seem to us the cause of all our problems. If not this case, then all life would have been different. We remember the offender, and we hang on him all the responsibility for our failures. He becomes our main enemy and those who have stolen the sweet life from us. Of course, deep down, we understand that this is not so. But, if this is not the case, then there will be no one to be offended. This is clearly not what we want.

In short, everyone knows, or at least guessed, that, in reality, it is impossible to offend anyone. A person takes offense at his own will, and if he does it, he does it with pleasure. You see, it is, so to speak, an honor for him. As if luck smiled at him and he pulled out a lucky ticket. He wants to get the most out of it. To worry enough and to revenge the offender with his torment...

Such, here, lovely error. Not one person felt better because he was offended. It is, in fact, just a means of manipulation, to which only very close people may be led. So, you need to get rid of children's grievances. Just let them go. Understand and forgive anyone who has ever hurt you 👋

Perhaps this is all that I could advise. Autopilot repair can take a long time. This is a difficult and painstaking business. But, gradually, little by little, you will feel that you are becoming more and more close to your inner child. More and more trust appears in your relationship, and the autopilot gives you less and less "surprises".

And finally, the moment will come when you can relax and just go with the flow without fear of any accidents!

Books: