The answers are in the questions.by John G. Miller
How many times, in search of a solution to a problem, I felt that I did not grasp the point. I make efforts, I try, but I still do not move there. I am moving away from the goal.
The help of people around me always helped me out in this situation. As a compass, they pointed me in the right direction, leaving me with the thought: "What prevented me from seeing this path myself?" Until now, I did not know the answer, but now I can try to explain it. Every time, when faced with an unfamiliar problem, I paid attention to the wrong questions...
"Who is to blame?", "Why should I do this?", "When will anyone already figure this out?", "What for?!", "Where is the justice ?!" - these and many other useless exclamations began to buzz in my mind. All of them pursue one single goal: to avoid responsibility. The source of this operational "help" is our emotional mind, or the so-called "monkey", which lives in the head. You need to be able to keep her in check, as she is useless as a counselor.
If a stressful situation does not carry a threat to life, but simply touches pride or hurts feelings, you should not give in to emotions. Need to wait it out. Relax and breathe. Then a more sensible and balanced form of mind will replace it. The cortex will be involved in the work. Our sober intellect. Logic, thinking, consciousness and all that. Someone compares this mind with the "lion", I would call it a "turtle".
Wise, but slow! She understands that they are waiting for her and therefore she is not in a hurry. In addition, she knows that usually the "monkey" alone copes with everything, what is the point of wasting extra resources! This character also lives in each head, but only visits the patient. There is a saying: "Good thinking comes afterwards" - in my opinion, it’s about that.
What questions does the "turtle" ask if you wait for it: "What can we do to solve the problem?", "How can we influence the situation?", "How can we change our behavior so that we will not face such problems in the future?" . No need to say how such questions are more appropriate and effective. Thinking comes alive from such questions. It does not fall into the dead ends of unanswered calls for help, does not fall prey to hopelessness or panic. His stream flows freely, overflowing with all the colors of personal responsibility that the right questions have raised. This state of mind is very productive and as a result, any situation, no matter how difficult it may seem at first glance, finds its solution.
Now I prefer to wait for my "turtle" and try not to pay attention to the "monkey" antics.
Ask the right questions and do not waste time on the wrong ones! 🤫
P.S. I advise you to watch what is going on in your head!